Desis, dont smile at me please!
April 9, 2008
When I was a fresh off the boat desi, I was quite amused by the friendliness of americans in spite of being perfect strangers. They would smile at you, comment on the weather, hurriedly enquire on how you were doing as they jogged past you on the sidewalk. In stark contrast, I noticed that desis just saw right through you - as if you did’nt exist. Unlike now, at that point of time I was quite oblivious to the ins and outs of desi behaviour in the US. But soon enough, I learnt to be stone-faced when I faced other desis and appear friendly to non-desis. Asian (not south asian) people are an exception here, and due to my limited knowledge of their characteristics, I am quite unable to explain their reason for being stone-faced.
Indian stone-facedness has a reason. I learnt it the hard way. During the first one or two months in the US, I seemed to fall victim more than once to the uncharacteristicly stranger-desi-friendly desis. The first time, my friend A (who had been around 3 years and still didn’t know) and I were at Kohl’s looking around. A desi lady and her 5 year old daughter commented on how pretty my red embroidered kurti was and got to talking about which part of India etc.. etc.. In my over-enthusiasm to make new friends, I was very happy to exchange numbers with her. In a week, she called me and enquired if I would be interested in making more money on the internet. I pressed for more details and was surprised to see that no further information was forthcoming. I told her I would talk to my husband and get back, and when I told him, he told me this was one of those Amway kind of schemes. I was never interested in that kind of thing and so the next time she called, I politely declined saying I had found a job and didn’t have time. But, this lesson was not enough. In a few weeks, I saw a desi lady at Sams club with her twin little boys. The kids were so cute, that I was watching them and (by mistake) returned the mother’s smile. That was an invitation for her to trap me. She came over spoke very sweetly, said she was working in the IT industry in downtown Chicago, and commented on how her sister had the same name as me, etc.. The fact that she was in the IT industry somehow convinced me that she wasn’t one of those marketing types, so I gladly gave her my phone number when she asked. Soon enough she called me and asked if I was interested in trying out some beauty products and that her friend was going to display it at her home etc. Should have know it’s one of those Avon marketing schemes. So I told her right away that I wasnt interested in any of these marketing schemes. Since then, I’ve been really careful not to appear like I have any interest in desis around me, and I’ve learnt to put on my best stone-face when I see them. Our latest experience was however hard to avoid. The couple out of nowhere called out loudly “Madrasaaa?” at JCPenney and eagerly told us what they do and spoke to my daughter as if they were her ‘god parents’. My husband and I knew something was fishy but because we didn’t want to snub them, gave them our phone number, but we have been careful since then not to pick up their call. After all the conversation did end with “I will get in touch with you, my friend is doing some market research, so you might be able to help”.
Unfortunately, we could end up being really rude to the genuinely friendly people. We almost did that to one couple (P & S) who wanted to talk to us because they had just moved to our apartment community and hadn’t found any indians around. Fortunately, they were quite persistent and we soon found that they had no evil intentions. They are now very good friends of ours.
So much for kinship..
Entry Filed under: Desis, India vs USA, Life in America. Tags: amway, avon, Desis, marketing, quickstar, smile.
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1.
Me | April 9, 2008 at 12:55 pm
..great minds think alike..la..
Rekha: Haha.. Indeed!
2.
Laksh | April 9, 2008 at 2:12 pm
haha! been there done that. this post made me smile from ear to ear.
Rekha: Been there or done that? Kozhambitaen
3.
My3 | April 9, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Tell me about it. Every smile came with a big price, especially since I am never quite sure how to say NO!! Fortunately for me, I have a husband made of sterner material than me :D! Avon, and there is another makeup that I spent money on… Sheesh. Now we live in a small town and nobdoy bothers us.
Rekha: Good for you
4.
Pradeep | April 9, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Very true.
Even in office, its the desis who never smile at you..As if you were a Bin Laden and then were Bush.. huh!
Rekha: It’s hard to practice one rule at work and another at the supermarket. That’s probably why
5.
maxdavinci | April 9, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I know a lot of grad students without on-campus jobs who are into such stuff, and so-called homemakers as well.
I still smile at desi-women for obvious reasons!
Rekha: Just as long as you are not smiling desi-women who have already made homes.
6.
Laksh | April 10, 2008 at 7:25 am
met ppl at malls, exchanged numbers, been invited for ‘tea’ and sat through make up presentations. all in the name of trying to find desi friends.
Rekha: Thank god! Na bayanthu poitaen
7.
Pushkala | April 10, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Heheh.. good one..
A gal who apparantly was living in my apartment complex scrapped me in Orkut.. i never got to the guts to scrap her back until..she scrapped me saying .. “Fear not.. No marketting” finally we did get to meet and found out our husbands were classmates once upon a time…
Rekha: Ya.. poor folks who just want to be friends.
8.
Aditya | April 10, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Tell me about them! They get quite irritating. Even students do it and torture fellow students when all of us hardly have any time
Btw, I second maxdavinci on both the points.
9.
Vatsa | April 10, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Been a lurker for sometime.
Have’nt we all seen this. My brother has the same name as yours, internet based business opportunity, gushing too much, exchanging phone numbers first time over.
I guess the guys who drive this business, drive it with missionary zeal. Few of my friends who were quite normal are total whackos now and everyone avoids them. The UT Dallas area is quite popular from the student community.
Rekha: Vatsa, welcome to my blog (as a commenter).
10.
Ganesh | April 11, 2008 at 8:26 am
Welcome to US Desi world !!
But be careful with over friendly desi folks.
some of them belong to the ‘amway’ cult.
11.
maami | April 12, 2008 at 12:26 pm
The irony and humour make for an amusing read. Your blog’s taking an interesting curve. Keep’em coming.
P.S:Maxu, Adi:Naaty naaty boyz I say!
Rekha: Thanks maami. Did I tell you that your blog has been inspiring me to keep it going?
12.
La Vida Loca | April 13, 2008 at 12:21 am
hehehhe. That’s true.
u write well too
Rekha: Thanks and welcome to my blog.
13.
prem | April 13, 2008 at 6:50 pm
yeah…these guys are pretty wierd eh? but…the question is, does anybody entertain them? do they ever get a ‘gullible customer’? yetch…what a pain! this sure does contribute towards cementing my hatred for mankind…
Rekha: ha. Prem! Onglukkunu ippdi reasons to hate mankind.. eppdi thaan kadaekkumo!
14.
Madhuram | April 23, 2008 at 10:02 am
Hi Rekha, came here from Laksh’s blog. Totally with you on this one. I faced similar situations when I came here back in 2003 after my marriage. My husband used to tell his experiences, about te Quickstar trap. But I fell in the trap twice inspite of his warning. Then we got a phone with caller ID, to avoid taking calls from those people. The usual conversation would start in a mall like this, “ungala engeyo paartha madhiri irukke, madrasa?
Rekha: Madhuram, Welcome to my blog. Yes, caller ID is a blessing for more reasons than one. And somehow we get drawn into conversations where someone tells us how we look like somebody else.
15.
cvalex | April 26, 2008 at 10:56 pm
The problem is not with the smile, thought it seems to start there. Let us imagine you gave your phone number to a STRANGE American for example.. I am sure he/she would not be calling about just exchanging services or products.. Guess we’ll never know.
Rekha: The problem with Americans is the exact reverse. Firstly they are never interested in going beyond a ‘hello’ with strangers. Secondly, us giving them our phone numbers would only scare them further. So, I agree.. guess we’ll never know.
16.
cvalex | April 27, 2008 at 10:57 am
//Firstly they are never interested in going beyond a ‘hello’ with strangers//
You forgot the profound and inspiring discussions on the weather.
Rekha: Oh Yes.. That of course!
17.
philramble | April 30, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Hilarious. I too fell into such traps, only to come out unscathed. In my case, though, both were Gults.
Anyway, I am convinced that Indians would never smile at you and say a polite hello like most Americans unless they had something in mind. To quote the cliche, “Enna Ulagamada Idhu!”
18.
C.G. | May 9, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I can totally relate to this. Met a desi couple at a mall recently and they were so overtly friendly. We exchanged numbers and the the guy starts calling about some “Great Business Opportunity”. But if you ask any details there is nothing there. I figured he is Amway and gave him the slip.
It is sad but desis in the US will smile at you only if they need something from you.
Like you said “Desis don’t smile please”. It’s harsh but atleast your saving yourself a potential headache. Instead talk to the non-desis atleast they smile and talk about the weather
19.
Prabhu | May 26, 2008 at 11:01 pm
My experience here !
Namma makkal yaaraiyum parthu smile kooda panna maatanga..apadi pannina villangam thaan !
20.
Suganya | June 1, 2008 at 11:52 am
Dejavu…
21.
Arunk | June 19, 2008 at 4:24 pm
A ready smile from a desi is indeed a Avon agent giveaway.
Rekha: Yes. Even hanging up on them is difficult. They can be relentless.